Equal rights gone wrong

Just when I think I'm doing all right raising my kids, I have found an enormous failing on my part. I am so appalled at some of the things that Jellybean has said lately, I can hardly stand it. Okay, I'm exaggerating a little bit -- but only a little bit.

If you know me, you know that I'm not exactly a doormat, especially when it comes to equality for women. If you don't know me, well, just take my word for it.

Example #1: After seeing a fire truck close up, complete with firefighters and boots and helmets, Jellybean asks me, "Can girls be firefighters too?" Heart ---> floor.

Example #2: The girls were playing with balloons, and the ribbons got all tangled up. I picked up the balloons and tackled the project of untangling the strings. Jellybean says, "Dad is gonna have to do that when he gets home." Excuse me?!

These, from the same girl who already announced her run for president.

L and I run a very equal household. For every task/chore one of us doesn't do, there is something the other one does do. He fixes faucets, I do all the returns to stores. He grills, I bake. Everything else we divide in half: We both cook (arguably, L is better at that than I), we both do laundry, we both clean.

There is hardly anything beyond my capability when I'm with the girls during the day, and Jellybean in particular understands that. (Of course, she doesn't know how many times I've secretly steered her away from a bug so I could have L secretly kill it. I refuse to kill bugs, but I think that falls under the phobia category instead of the gender category.)

I've decided to take these questions and comments in stride. Jellybean is almost 4, and she's trying to figure out her role in the world. Girls can do anything, and I tell her that all the time. Girls should be strong and smart, and both L and I make a point of saying that and pointing out examples of strong girls and smart girls. I'm also trying to DO instead of just SAY (well, except for the bug thing. A phobia, I tell you.).

Hopefully this phase will be short, though, because I swear a little part of me dies every time she wonders aloud what girls are capable of.

Boy plans

It is a fact that men make social plans differently than women. I'm not man-bashing; it's just true. My husband has told me, and he has proven it many times over.

Take last week, for instance. Our neighbor invited L to play guitar one night. So, that was the extent of my knowledge. "Fine, you're going to play guitar. That should be fun!"

Just making conversation, I asked, "Where are you going? Like a studio or someone's house?"

L: "Don't know. Boy plans."

Me: "Is it a big group or small group?"

L: "Don't know. Boy plans."

You get the idea. So the next day, L told me it was even bad by boy plan standards. They were going to a guy's house, and they didn't have directions or his phone number, and they only barely knew where he lived.

I bring up boy plans right now because I'm living in the midst of yet another set of boy plans tonight. L's buddy from law school, John, is in town for the night because he has some business here tomorrow. I didn't know for sure until this afternoon that he was coming (it had been a possibility for a couple weeks), and I (we) didn't know any details of his visit.

L and John are out on the town now after John had dinner with us. The only question remaining is whether John is staying the night here. L invited him to do so a couple weeks ago when we found out about the potential visit. L has not asked him since then if he is actually staying. That must violate some tenet of the boy planning.

So I guess I will find out in the morning if we have a houseguest or not. I'll make sure to wear my long pajamas tonight just in case.