Mom manners

Every once in a while, a social situation arises that requires more than just average manners: It requires mom manners, that extra level of balancing politeness with assertiveness. Jellybean had a (thankfully short) bout with croup last week, and it might have been avoided had I been willing to trample on some "mom" social graces.

The girls and I were at the library last week for our weekly story time. It was spring break, so it was more crowded than usual. After the story, we sat down at a play table that had these way cool blocks on it. We were doing some serious stacking and building, and another mom and her two older kids came to the table to get in on the action. We happily slid some blocks their way.

Less than a minute passed before the girl, who I would peg at 4 or 5, began to cough. She did not cover her mouth, and in fact, with the table being pretty small, her coughs actually hit Jellybean and me in the face. I thought, "Oh, next time she coughs, she'll remember to cover her mouth." Wrong. More than 20 coughs into it, neither she nor her mom made any mention or effort to cover the girl's mouth. (I wasn't thrilled, and I was even less thrilled that shortly after the other kids' arrival, my girls had about 10 blocks between them of a 62-piece set. But I'm not writing about sharing -- that's for another day.)

I am not a germophobe by nature. But, I am pretty practical and know that coughs that hit you in the face are definitely sending something your way -- infectious or not. I had three choices in the moment, all of which had consequences:

1. Make my girls drop the blocks and walk away to play something else. Consequence: My kids are upset (potentially loudly so -- in the library!) and don't get to play, as a result of someone else's negligence. Next option.

2. Ask the little girl to please cover her mouth. Judging from her verbal ability and dexterity, she was old enough to know better and could effectively do so. Consequence: Asking/ordering someone else's kid to do something is not the most polite thing to do. What else?

3. Ask the mother to have her daughter cover her mouth when she coughs. Consequence: Offending the mom, being rude and telling her how to handle her kids. Could be ugly.

So, what did I do? I did nothing. When we were done playing, I took the girls straight to the bathroom and we washed our hands.

A few nights later, when I was up cradling Jellybean in my arms at 1:30 a.m. while she barked like a seal, I couldn't help but think of that instance. It's no guarantee she caught croup from that little girl, but there was no exposure from anyone we know, including preschool.

From now on in a situation like that, rude shmude. I'm looking out for my kids, and if I make someone mad who I'll never see again, so be it!

Analyze this

My kids definitely have brought out the best in me most of the time. But over the years, I have discovered I had been harboring some pet peeves that I had no idea I possessed -- until I had kids.

I have overcome some of these pet peeves in just a short time. It didn't take me long to get over my aversion to clutter, for example, when our tiny house (at the time) was packed to the gills with a baby play gym, swing, bouncy seat, and on and on. And that was just in the living room. Now that there are two kids flinging their toys about the (albeit bigger) house, it's a darn good thing clutter doesn't get to me anymore.

I also have grown to enjoy naked babies running around the house instead of wincing in anticipation of any leaks they may spring without a diaper on. We've had leaks of all varieties, believe me, and it turns out that although a bit gross, they're pretty easy to clean up. Having hardwood floors doesn't hurt in that regard, either.

So, which pet peeves have I clung to? Two of them come to mind.

1. Damage to books. Tearing pages, bending covers, dog-earing, all make me crazy. If I even have an inkling that a book is about to suffer, I swoop in immediately and take it away. The only way I can explain this is that my grade school librarian must have scared the bejesus out of us for doing anything to the school library books. Board books have saved me many a time.

2. Toys missing pieces. I was an only child and fairly orderly. I always knew where all parts to all of my toys were. I would be appalled at other kids' houses when their puzzles were missing pieces or toy sets were lacking a vital component. How could they let that happen? Well, now as a mother of two, I know that it can (and does) happen all the time, even when we're being careful. However, I just can't seem to get over hating it. I'm hoping time and desensitization will foster a cure.