A rough week

I haven't written for a while. Life got a bit more complicated than it's been in a long time (read: ever), but I think things are calming down.

We were in the throes of planning Jellybean's birthday party, -- more on that later -- her actual birthday day and a weekend away for L and me. As if that wasn't enough to coordinate, Peanut got sick with what turned out to be a pretty serious infection. She's fine now, but she was definitely having a rough time. Just in time for Jellybean's birthday party, of course. (Why do kids always get sickest on the weekend?)

Having two kids is rarely easy, and of course we hardly ever get to give them the attention and recognition they deserve every minute of the day. But when one is having her first-ever school-friend birthday party at a special location and the other is simultaneously fighting a 103.9 fever for reasons unknown, our parenting instincts and abilities stretched in ways we didn't know they could. Jellybean deserved to be celebrated adequately, and Peanut deserved to be cared for, snuggled and loved, not to mention carefully watched.

How did we handle all that? Simple, we picked teams. Other than the party itself, which we all attended, we split into teams for all the party-planning activities, cake baking, medical visits, rest times and play times. One parent with the birthday girl, the other with the sick girl. We ended up doing a great job of balancing both the fun and serious activities, so neither L nor I did all of the same type with the same kid.

Jellybean's actual birthday was a few days after her party, and we had promised her we'd do something fun on that day too (note to self: don't promise this next year). Unfortunately, Peanut's infection didn't clear up quickly, so she was still a pretty sick kid even on that day. So, Jellybean got to pick which parent would take her to the city pool to play and swim, while the other one stayed home with Peanut, instead of all 4 of us going. I was ready for her to be sad that we all couldn't go, bracing myself for her to be bumming a bit. Not at all. She was thrilled to get to go and swim, and she chose me to go with her! Our teamwork went perfectly.

Those 5 days or so were very rough. Lots of activities, worry and stress for Peanut, interrupted sleep from thunderstorms (Jellybean) and illness (Peanut). We're officially done with birthday celebrating, and Peanut is on the mend. For now, hopefully we're back to the status quo -- for the few days remaining until we head on our summer vacation.

The feminist dilemma

Jellybean is already investigating the plight of women. She has been saying now for almost 2 years that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. Don't know where this came from, except that we do love our pediatrician (who happens to be female). I always tell her she can be whatever she wants to be.

She is always adamant about her future career, almost to the point of being insulted if anyone suggests something different. She'll be pretending to cook, and I'll say, "Maybe you can own a restaurant when you're a grown-up." She'll look at me, pause for effect, and say flatly, "I'm going to be a doctor."

So, with this in mind, she caught me a bit off guard the other day. She was telling me that she will be a doctor when she grows up. At the same time, she was holding her baby doll, Baby Lacey. She looked down at Lacey, looked at me again and said, "I don't want to be a doctor. I want to be a mom." Remember this? Yeah, I felt that way again.

But I was determined to clarify for her. See, because I am home with her, she thinks that moms can't GO to work. I can understand how she would get this perception, seeing as how her research involves one person -- me. I concentrated on minimizing the damage with a response.

All it took was me telling her that the two pediatricians she has seen are moms AND doctors. Her eyes widened. "Tell me more people who are moms and doctors..." Uhhh. I came up with a couple dad-doctors, and that satisfied her. She put Baby Lacey night-night and all was good with the world. Phew.

Don't judge a kid by their height

Jellybean is tall for her age (she'll be 4 in a couple weeks). In fact, she's tall for a year older than her age. She clearly takes after L's side of the family -- I'm 5'4", and he's about 6'4".

When Jellybean was born, I became pretty adept at guessing ages of other babies, based on their size and what they were capable of. Then, as she became a toddler, I could look at other toddlers and gauge if they were younger or older, usually by how tall they were and how well they walked, etc. She has been very tall for her age since she started walking. It was a good lesson for me to have the super-tall kid, so that I didn't make too many assumptions about other people's kids at the park or play places.

L's brother is 6'7". I have heard L's mom talk since Jellybean was born -- and probably even before that -- about what a struggle L's brother had with always being the tallest kid. People, including his teachers, expected more from him because he was so tall. They would be out somewhere, and an adult or other child would ask him a question and be puzzled with his response. They didn't realize the child they were talking to was 2 years younger than they thought!

Jellybean has continued on the height trajectory similar to L's brother. Now that she is in preschool and interacting more with kids and adults, her height is affecting more and more situations. Even when other kids and adults know her age, they have trouble reconciling that a 3-year-old is the same size as a tall 5-year-old. Combining her height with her strong verbal ability makes it even more of a sticky wicket. Jellybean's preschool teachers have been very good at remembering her abilities, and she's in a mixed-age class, so all the children are accustomed to dealing with others of varying ages. I'd like to say I thought of that ahead of time and that's why we chose this preschool, but it's just luck.

Because I (obviously) have never had experience being "the tall kid," her height/age discrepancy is something I am working on being proactive with out in public social situations. We had an issue the other day of both a child and a mom getting frustrated at Jellybean for not comprehending a social situation. They were forgetting that she is not quite 4. It's easy to do.

So I'm experimenting with different ways to approach this and convey it to strangers, so as to avoid situations like the one the other day. I have a feeling it will be a process for years to come, unless her growth curve plateaus.

A few new (to me) wines

I haven't written about wine for a while, but that's not to say I haven't been enjoying some. I've discovered a few that aren't quite on my favorites list yet, but they definitely have the potential to be. Thought you might like to know about them in case you come across them.

Colombelle, a French white blend of colombard (70%) and ugni blanc (30%). Funky grape vintages aside, just trust me, it's a crisp very light white wine. I don't usually find French wines that have remarkable enough flavor to recommend, but this is very nice with appetizers and other light foods. About $8.

Ferrari-Carano fume blanc/sauvignon blanc. Some of the best exotic-fruit flavor I've had from a white wine in a while. It's not Italian (nor is it from the car people), rather it's a Sonoma white. It will impress you, and it will impress guests. Yum! About $11.

Hob Nob pinot noir. Smooth with good fruit. Easy to drink and goes with everything from salad to barbecued meats. Side note: One of the coolest websites and bottle designs -- wine or otherwise -- I've seen in a while. About $10.

Shenandoah Valley Amador County zinfandel. A flavorful, drinkable zinfandel for a little price. Not quite my favorite Ravenswood, but quite good. About $10.

Fearing fear itself

Jellybean is afraid of dogs (and cats). No, make that terrified of dogs. And it seems to be getting worse with time. L and I are completely at a loss as to what to do. It's awful to see her afraid, and the fear literally paralyzes her at times. And now, we seem to have the added effect of the fear becoming contagious to our previously animal-loving Peanut. I've mentioned Jellybean's fear of thunderstorms before, but her fear of dogs surpasses even that.

L is not quite the animal lover that I am. But he certainly isn't afraid of them. We have no clue where Jellybean's fear originated. As far as we know, she hasn't had a particular encounter with dogs or cats that set her off. When we first noticed her hesitation around animals, she wasn't quite 2, and when you're short, even small dogs are intimidating. Well, now she's almost 4 and is as tall as most 5-6-year-olds. So, height isn't the issue.

Here's the magnitude of her fear. If we're at a park and she's, say, on a swing and spots a dog headed for the park -- up to 50 yards away -- she'll start stressing. She will stay on the swing and refuse to get off until the dog is clearly headed in another direction. If we arrive to a park that already has a dog in attendance, she clings to me and whimpers -- even when the dog is clearly leashed or secured to something. I have to extricate myself from her and help her find an activity that doesn't involve being within 10 feet of the dog. If we're walking on the sidewalk and a leashed dog is approaching with its owner, Jellybean grabs me and tries to drag me off the sidewalk, hanging on for dear life as the dog passes. Loose dogs are off-the-charts scary for her (as are loose cats, which I learned about in two separate incidents in the past week that resulted in Jellybean hysterically crying when cats ambled toward our path).

She has petted dogs a couple of times, mostly when she's seen her peers or Peanut do so first. But those pleasant encounters have done absolutely nothing to make inroads with her fear. I have tried to discuss it with her calmly at other times, I have tried desensitizing her, I have done about everything I can think of.

Because of what her fear does to her, I find myself resenting dog owners at times. Why do you have to bring your dog onto the playground when you don't even have kids playing? Why is your dog running loose around the park? But, how could they know that people can be as afraid of dogs as Jellybean? I certainly never did when I had dogs.

I don't know what to do. I need to do some research and make a plan ASAP, though, before we end up with 2 kids afraid of dogs instead of just one.

Say you, say me

Do you ever overhear a parent say something completely inane? And you wonder what exactly they're trying to accomplish? I said one of those very things in the grocery store today to Peanut: "If you take off your shoes one more time, I'm going to take them away."

Think about that for a second. Wouldn't you think that was exactly what Peanut wanted? To not have her shoes, because she was taking them off? Even as I said it, I thought, "That sounds really stupid." Believe it or not, it was exactly the threat she needed.

We were finishing up a longer-than-usual grocery trip. I knew I had a lot to buy, but this particular store always has lots of samples to get her (well, me) through all the aisles. So I thought it wouldn't be a problem. But I was mistaken. Peanut has become very crafty with her rebellions lately, and today was no exception.

The entire time we were in line at the checkout, placing item after item on the conveyor, watching the cashier zap each one, paying and signing the credit slip, Peanut was getting increasingly antsy. So, each time I turned my back to do something like get out my credit card, she took off her Crocs and threw them on the floor.

She accomplished the Croc removal twice before I was done paying for the groceries. The third time was just as I was getting ready to wheel the overburdened cart out to the parking lot. I picked up the Crocs from the floor and then uttered my seemingly nonsensical threat: "If you take off your shoes one more time, I'm going to take them away."

Her response? "Noooooo, I want my shoes!" And they stayed on all the way to the parking lot, the whole time I was unloading the cart, even for the car ride home. Take that, eavesdroppers.