I was brutally honest with a total stranger yesterday, and she thanked me. She was expecting her second child, who will be 18 months younger than her first, and I told her that it won't be easy for a while. In fact, I told her she may feel like she made a gigantic mistake at times, especially early on, but she'll get through it.
Why did I do that, besides impulsiveness? No one told me these things when I was pregnant with Peanut. My girls are 22 months apart. I just wanted someone -- anyone -- to give me insights on what it is like to have two very little kids. I wanted to know good, bad or ugly. But no one really opened up to me. I'm an only child, so my parents weren't much help. L's brother is six years younger, so my in-laws were out. I would go places with Jellybean while bursting at the seams with Peanut, and hardly anyone even mentioned what it's like with two kids. So I went into dual motherhood quite blindly -- luckily, with lots of support.
The first five months or so with my girls were very tough. Don't get me wrong: There were some wonderful times amidst the struggle. Every time Jellybean kissed Peanut or Peanut giggled at Jellybean, it made my day (or my week!). But between sleep deprivation, breastfeeding hormones and chasing a mischievous 2-year-old, I was pretty worn out physically and mentally. L was fantastic and very involved. Unfortunately, he had to teach night classes that school year, so I was on my own for dinner and bedtime with two babies a couple nights a week. That didn't help.
Pretty soon, though, when Peanut could sit up and play, things started to get easier. I could put her down and she could entertain herself while I, say, took Jellybean to the bathroom. When Peanut hit nine months and she could move herself to where she wanted to be, it actually started being fun! We could play and have a good time, and there was a whole lot less crying (from all of us!).
I told the stranger lady most of this yesterday. Don't worry, I didn't just walk up to her and say, "Oh, you're pregnant. Wow, that's gonna be rough." She started fishing for how far apart my girls were, and I could just tell she needed someone to tell her things -- just like I had secretly wished. After we chatted for ten minutes or so, she looked me in the eye and thanked me for being so honest. She said everyone around her expects everything to be so beautiful and.... I stopped her there and said that there will be beautiful moments. Just use those to get you through everything else, and you'll be fine.
Why is it socially unacceptable for a mother to admit that being a mother is a hard job?
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